A Future You See
by CharlieWise
Summary: Tony is hurt and feeling betrayed after the events of chasing ghost and he needs to talk things through before he they go to Berlin.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is our episode tag to chasing ghost! We felt there were so many things to deal with before Berlin, so this is how we think it happens. Co-authored by the amazing PurpleJelloTIVA206**

"McGee, we have been over this. You are not telling Tony, I will tell him in my own time." Ziva said as McGee brought up the fact that Tony was snooping around.

"Ziva, he's going to figure it out on his own soon, wouldn't you prefer he heard it from you first?" McGee asked, as his friend stubbornly shook her head.

"No, we keep him as far away from this as possible. I asked you to run interference with him so he would not find out." Ziva said defiantly.

"That's what I'm doing, but he's not letting this one go." McGee shot back.

"Tim, I am asking you to keep him away." Ziva said and McGee saw in the look of her eyes that this discussion was over.

McGee shook his head and walked towards the bathroom. "I'll do my best, I still don't understand why though."

Ziva sighed as she saw McGee walk away. Why couldn't he just understand? There was a knock on the door and Ziva reached instinctively for her gun, they ordered food but that was only 25 minutes ago, so she did not expect it for another ten to fifteen minutes.

Ziva quietly shuffled to the door, raising her gun before opening it. All her hopes of keeping Tony out of this disappeared as she saw him standing there looking at her worry evident in his eyes. She opened the door a little wider, knowing that she had to let him in. He only caught one glimpse of the room and the words she so badly did not want to hear came.

"I want to help." Tony said softly, his eyes falling back on her after they went around the room.

"Is that the food?" McGee asked as he walked back into the room. Ziva glimpsed at McGee for a moment before looking back at Tony and she immediately saw the hurt and the distrust form behind his eyes as she opened the door further to let him in. She took a deep breath after he walked passed her and closed the door.

"What are you doing here?" McGee asked recognizing the look of anger currently residing on Tony's face.

Tony moved to the middle of the room, taking a moment to gather his thoughts as he came to terms with the scene in front of him. As he walked around and took a better look at the room Tony realized he felt betrayed.

"Well I was going to ask you the same thing." Tony asked, bringing a grimace to his face as he tried to smile.

McGee glanced at Ziva and he saw her unsure and maybe even scared look on her face, before she looked back at Tony. McGee decided that if anyone was going to explain this it would have to be him. "Now that the kidnapping case is over we were going to tell you. Ziva was just waiting for the right time." McGee said, keeping a straight face through his lie. Telling the full truth was not something McGee thought Tony could handle right now; his friend deserved a little piece of mind. McGee wasn't sure if Tony believed him as his face twisted just a little.

"Things got out of hand, one phone call let to another. And then..." Ziva rambled on, worried about what Tony would say about all of this.

"The next thing you know, we are hold up in this crappy studio obsessing about what to do next." McGee added as a way of explanation. McGee looked at Ziva quickly as Tony closely examined the contents around the room. He could see how uncomfortable she felt and next to that he could see her sadness at the situation.

"Well I like what you've done with the place." Tony said jokingly, having no other coping mechanism to deal with this. "Matching computers, I mean that, that's adorable." Tony continued on and Ziva looked up at him. Realizing how bad this whole situation had affected him as he struggled to stay calm.

"It's not funny." Ziva said trying to break down his act and get his real opinion. "This is serious."

"I'm well aware of that Ziva," Tony snapped back at her. Still not believing that she asked McGee for help. Did she not realize in how much trouble he could get in? "You're tracking a CIA target and using NCIS resources to do it." Tony said to the both of them.

"No, this is all by the book." McGee said quickly.

"Oh good. Because that makes it ten times worse." Tony raised his voice. If they would get caught they would lose their jobs. Ziva would land on her feet like always and he understood why she risked it all, but why would she risk everything that McGee had too.

"It's a nice way to lose your jobs guys. It's only a matter of time before word gets out that you're tracking him internationally, if it isn't out already." Tony pushes on.

"Technically, we're not tracking him." McGee started and Tony wanted to shake his head wondering if McGee sometimes was too smart for his own good.

"I've friends, contacts monitoring bank accounts and airport activity all around the world." Ziva backed up McGee. Which did nothing to lighten the betrayal he felt seeing them working so closely together.

"Shmeil putting in some overtime for yah." Tony said and Ziva could hear the venom in his tone.

"Shmeil is one of my contacts, Tony." Ziva said slowly beginning to lose her patience with his behavior. "But that is not what matters."

Tony took a moment to look at McGee who seemed to have nothing further to add.

"Shortly after my fathers death, Bodnar was caught on a surveillance camera exciting a Dullas airport parking garage. 25 minutes later he's seen leaving a restroom from inside the terminal. a person matching his description landed in Rome's airport. This is actually one of the last pictures taken of him. There have been possible sightings in Switzerland and Prague as recently as last week." Ziva stated. Pointing at the picture on the wall, before leaning on the desk and looking at McGee quickly.

"We think he's exhausted all his fail safes and is still hiding out somewhere in Western Europe." McGee now added to the theory.

"Or the CIA has already gotten to him and he's in custody, or he's already dead." Tony added.

"Bodnar is not dead. He's alive." Ziva responded fiercely "Now I'm not going to stop until I found him."

Tony nodded, understanding Ziva's search for vengeance, her need for closure. There was just one thing that stood in her way. "So when are you going to tell Gibbs?"

"Soon." Ziva responded. "Tomorrow."

Tony nodded before finally moving from his place in the center of the room and walking along the walls to see what kind of information they had gathered so far. There was a lot, they had been tracking Bodnar's movements for a while now. He followed the red line that went across Europe. He turned around and saw McGee and Ziva looking at him expectantly.

"Any questions?" McGee asked, glancing to Ziva before looking back at Tony. Tony bounced on his feet for a moment.

"Where in western Europe would he be?" Tony asked shrugging his shoulders.

"We're not sure. Italy, Germany, France, Netherlands maybe even Denmark." McGee responded.

"You missed Belgium there Probie." Tony said tapping on the board next to him where a land map rested. "How long have you two been working on this?"

This time it was Ziva who answered. "We've been here for seven weeks." Ziva said crossing her arms. Tony chewed on the inside cheek, trying to keep his emotions under control. Instead of asking more questions he turned back to the wall to look at the information.

McGee and Ziva spared one more glance at each other before Ziva picked up her phone to make another call to one of her contacts and McGee sat back down behind his computer. They worked in silence for a while; it wasn't a comfortable silence like they were used to. It was filled with unresolved tensions and if McGee was honest with himself he was distracted by it. Ziva kept glancing at Tony and Tony kept throwing Ziva looks but neither needed to speak as there body language already spoke volumes. Their stubbornness leading to a stalemate.

Their work ethic did not change as the food arrived. Tony paid for the pizza and opened the pizza box placing it on the edge of one of the desks. He took a slice and went back to studying the newspaper cut outs and printed out emails that Tony was sure McGee hacked into. He was reading pulled a Italian newspaper clipping from the wall. Turned it around and read the back of the article.

"I found something." He said softly, not sure if he was happy about it or not. He even considered for a moment not saying anything at all and just hanging it back up.

"I translated that section already Tony. We know he's not in that hotel anymore." Ziva said quickly. Tony looked at her confused for a moment, before remembering the other side of the news clipping.

"No I'm not talking about the hotel, no on the other side it says there was a strike with the train personnel. Saying that that all the trains would ride but they would not check for tickets." Tony answered standing up to show it to Ziva. Ziva took the clipping from him and looked at it. Her Italian was rusty at best so she could only make out a couple of words.

Tony looked over her shoulder and pointed out the section he was talking about. "That's how he got around in Italy. He could have taken the train or international trains anywhere." Tony said triumphal.

"Tony that still doesn't give us where he's now." McGee answered.

"I know McGee, but it gives us a means by which he travelled." Tony responded.

"How is that?" McGee asked.

Tony shrugged his shoulders, but sighed after McGee raised an eyebrow at him. "Fine, traveling by train is a easy way to get across the country, especially if there is no one checking for tickets or ID. You could easily blend in with everyone else." Tony said, before looking at the German news clippings that they'd found before realizing that he wouldn't be able to read them. "You should have asked for my help months ago."

McGee looked how Ziva's momentarily elevated mood fell at that comment. Her excitement of getting a step ahead by knowing how Bodnar could have potentially travelled was gone. Those two needed to talk. Right now.

"Look guys, you two clearly need to talk. So I'm going to go home and actually get some sleep while you two just figure out whatever this is, you got going on here."

"We don't need to talk." Tony and Ziva answered in unison.

McGee looked at them, both their faces carried the same apprehension it was almost comical. "Oh please, look you both have some things to say to each other, otherwise I wouldn't be able to cut the tension with a knife in here". So talk, because not talking has gotten both of you nowhere the past 9 years." McGee said sternly and the apprehension changed to shock.

"I've seen the change. the 'post elevator us' you were talking about Tony." McGee went on gathering his things. He walked towards the door but before he left he turned around to give them one last part of his wisdom. "That growth was acquired by talking. So talk!."

Both Tony and Ziva stayed quiet, frozen in place for some time after McGee closed the door behind him. Neither sure what to say and how to say it.

-TIVA-

In the end it was Tony who made the first move to talk. Just like he felt he had been doing for the last half year. He turned towards her and she followed suit looking up at him. Her eyes were filled with unshed tears, it made his stomach contract. He reached out for her but she took a step back.

"Ziva." Tony started but Ziva shook her head.

"Tony I needed someone that was good with computers." Ziva said trying to reason her way out of this.

Tony looked into her eyes and shrugged, anger was boiling under his skin. "That's a reason for asking McGee, not a reason to keep this from me."

"The less people that knew about this the better." Ziva responded. "Gibbs's rule number 4."

"Bull. You're breaking a million rules Ziva, One of them being rule one, never screw over your partner." Tony spat back, his anger seeping out.

"Tony, do you not understand? I need this!" Ziva said.

"Do** I **understand?" Tony asked, not quite believing his ears. "Ziva I went to the other side of the world to avenge your death. You think I don't understand your need for revenge? Of course I do."

"You would have tried to stop me!." Ziva yelled at him.

At this Tony let go of a humorless chuckle. "Tried to stop you? Ziva what was the first thing that came out of my mouth when you opened the door a few hours ago?"

When Ziva did not respond but just looked away from him he continued. "I said that I wanted to help. When I found you after your father died, what was it what I said? That I wanted whatever you wanted, whatever you needed. Why don't you understand?"

Ziva looked up at him. She had ran out of excuses, but she didn't know how to tell him the truth. She was tired, she didn't sleep much and the sleep she did get was filled with nightmares.

Tony looked at her, he saw all the fight and stubbornness leave her body. His anger dissipating as he saw her shoulders fall. He knew he wouldn't get anywhere with her tonight, he needed to think and so did she. "Come on, I'll drive you home." He said.

"I have my own car Tony." She said, sounding like his old Ziva, but looking defeated.

"Yeah, but even if I follow you all the way home, you'll probably get back in your car the moment I'm gone and drive here to do some more work. You're sleep deprived you need to get a good night rest." Tony said raising his eyebrow at Ziva.

Ziva wanted to argue, to say that she wouldn't get a good night rest anyway. But that would mean she had to admit she hadn't slept well the past few weeks and she wasn't ready to let anyone know that. The only thing left to do was gather her things and follow him out the door, staying would mean more fighting and she did not want to fight with him.

The drive home was made in silence. The only sound being the radio that played and the sound of the engine running. They didn't even argue about which radio station should be on. Neither one was really paying attention to it anyway.

Ziva glanced at Tony, his eyes were trained on the road. She could see the small worry lines that creased his forehead. His lips formed a straight line instead of the usual half smile he wore and she loved so much. His eyes that usually shone with joy and made her feel happy and welcome were now dark and had a hardness to them she hadn't seen in a long time. His shoulders were anything but relaxed. She wished she could just take them all away. Let his demons disappear, but she caused most of them and she wasn't sure she was capable of repairing him this time.

Tony drove almost mindlessly. He knew the way off by heart and it wasn't busy on the road this late at night. He glanced at Ziva quickly and saw her slumped shoulders as she rested her head against the window. This woman drove him crazy. He could go from ready to put everything he had on the line for her to so angry with her he was ready to explode. It was times like these he wished for the good old days, where he wasn't worried about her, when he wasn't at work his thoughts would not linger on her. That when he lay in his bed at night, didn't wish she was there with him. So he knew she was safe. Who was he kidding? Those days had been before he met her and he never wanted to not know her.

He parked in front of her building complex and looked at Ziva. She unbuckled herself and was about to get out of the car but his hand on her arm stopped her. She turned to look at him, she could still see the hurt he was carrying, the lines had not disappeared from his face. They might even have become a little more apparent.

"I'm only a call away if you need anything?" Tony said and Ziva saw his eyes become a little warmer. She felt her heart swell as for a moment and even considered calling him in the middle of the night when she awoke from her latest nightmare. Calling him, asking him to tell her about a movie to take her mind of things. But then realizing she would never do that.

"Thank you Tony." She said softly before opening the car door and walking towards her apartment. Tony waited for her light to turn on before driving off. He would make sure his phone was charged and ready to go and that the sound was on all night. Precautions to make sure he wouldn't miss the phone call that he knew would never come, but he would do those things anyway.

**A/N: So we think there are two more chapters and reviews make us happy and will make us update earlier. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Co-authored with the most amazing PurpleJelloTIVA206. Thank you all so much that have reviewed, but since I'm in NY I haven't been able to answer you all! I will answer all your reviews! please be patient with me and know that I'm grateful for your support**

McGee looked up as his Tony walked into the bullpen the next morning. He was acting unusually chipper, to hide the fact that he clearly didn't sleep well. When McGee commented he immediately got the cold shoulder. McGee figured that Tony was still mad at him which also meant that he didn't get to have a good talk with Ziva last night.

His theories were confirmed when Ziva came in. She was acting all business as usual but wouldn't look Tony in the eye, which was uncommon considering how well they had been getting on until last night. Today would be filled with doing paperwork if they didn't catch another case. This day would feel like a eternity especially with two cranky partners.

At twelve thirty, Tony stood up collected some of his stuff and told everyone he was going for lunch. Ziva watched him walk away and McGee could see the emotions that danced across her face, before realizing it was Wednesday. The day on which they usually had lunch together.

Ten minutes after Tony left, McGee finished his fourth report of the day and figured he deserved some lunch too. He was about to head to the cafeteria when a thought struck him. Tony would have probably headed to the little cafe around the corner from the yard. Ziva didn't like it there so that would have been the place he would have gone to. He changed his direction and walked the short ten-minute walk to the bistro.

When McGee entered the cafe was already buzzing with energy but he had no problem spotting Tony in the second booth to the right. He was playing with his phone so he didn't notice McGee until he sat down.

"Hey." McGee said. "Have you ordered yet?"

Tony nodded in reply and McGee stopped a passing waitress to give him his order and asked if it was possible to get it at the same time as Tony's. The waitress promised to do her best and she'll bring his coffee by shortly.

"What you doing here Probie?" Tony asked putting his phone back in his pocket.

"Looking for you." McGee answered.

"Well you found me." Tony said raising his arms open before dropping them back on the table. His smile lacked conviction and his overall demeanor was just off.

"What's wrong with you?" McGee asked having had enough of his foul mood all day.

"What's wrong with me?" Tony asked, anger clearly seeping out even though he tried to control his voice as they were in public.

"Yes! with you." McGee answered, not at all intimidated by his behavior. "I understand that you're upset about me helping Ziva and keeping it from you, but you knew that this was going to happen. But acting like a ten year old that got his candy taken away isn't helping anyone."

"You think I'm acting like a ten year old that got his candy taken away? Do you seriously not see how big a deal this is. What if somebody finds out?" Tony responded.

"What would you have me do? She asked me for help with all the computer stuff. Send her away? This way I could at least keep an eye on what she was doing." McGee reasoned back.

"McGee you could lose your job when this comes to light. You have a future you need to be more careful." Tony answered and McGee looked up in shock. Never had he heard Tony admit to him anything remotely like this.

"Look Tim, I understand your need to be a team player, I really appreciate everything you've done for Ziva. But you've gotta watch your back. From now on you only do things you get permission for from Gibbs, Vance or me. That way when this all blows up you're not accountable." Tony responded.

"Tony I can make my own decisions. You would risk everything for anyone on our team. You've already done it for Ziva once. So why can't I?" McGee asked, trying to turn the tables on Tony. Knowing that if he thought he was talking about McGee he might reveal more of himself.

"Your coffee's and two beef sandwiches." The waitress said as she placed their drinks and food in front of them. Both of them smiled at the waitress and mumbled a thank-you.

Tony took a sip from his coffee before taking a bite of his sandwich. He looked at McGee for a moment and understood in what kind of difficult situation the younger agent had found himself in. He could either have gone to him and told him what Ziva was up to and with that destroyed Ziva's trust. Or he could have kept this from him as Ziva probably asked of him. He felt his anger and disappointment towards McGee disappear as he thought about the lack of choice given to McGee.

"I understand why you didn't tell me anything." Tony said after swallowing his second bite. McGee looked at him, wondering where this sudden change of heart was coming from. Figuring that, this was his way of apologizing without an actually apology. For a moment he considered pushing it, but figured he would not get anywhere with that.

"I'll stay above board, if you take the time to talk to Ziva." McGee responded.

Tony chuckled, appreciating the loyalty McGee showed. "I talked to her last night wasn't a big success." Tony answered.

"She didn't want to tell you because she cares." McGee said and Tony looked up at him. A mix of curiosity and confusion played across his features before his standard smile took over. Tony just nodded before turning back to his sandwich, but as he took a bite the first real smile of the day formed on his lips.

-TIVA-

They all sat in the bullpen, they had been exchanging looks for a while now. They knew it was almost the end of the day and Ziva's chance to tell Gibbs today was running out. Gibbs had already noticed something was up, reinforced by Tony's complete focus on Ziva, he had not even been hiding it for the past 10 minutes.

Ziva glanced from McGee to Tony and back again. Both were now staring at her in anticipation, and throwing knowing glances in Gibbs' direction. Deciding there really wasn't a reason to wait anymore she stood up. Both McGee and Tony looked a bit surprised at her sudden movement. Ziva figured they might have expected her to chicken out.

"What Ziva?" Gibbs said abruptly.

Ziva walked to the front of his desk, taking a deep breath while bouncing from one foot to the other. She wasn't sure how Gibbs would react, she hadn't kept anything from him anymore since he let her return from Somalia. "I would like your permission to travel to Europe to find Bodnar." Ziva said in one single breath. "I've been trying to locate him with the help of McGee and various contacts."

Gibbs glanced at Ziva before returning to his computer. "I know."

"You have known?" Ziva asked unsure. "All this time, why did you not.."

"You needed to be ready to tell me." Gibbs said looking up at her. She had expected him to be somewhat mad, but she could only spot warmth in his eyes. The next breath she took felt calming as the pressure of telling Gibbs was lifted of her chest.

"He's in Rome." Gibbs said.

"That's what I thought too."

What are you waiting for. Take DiNozzo. Go." Gibbs said and Tony finally came out of his daze. He quickly went over all the things he would need from NCIS to bring. Already planning on what he would need to pack from home.

Ziva walked back towards her desk only to see Vance standing on the first platform of the stairs. For a moment she froze, not sure what his reaction would be. Then he nodded and in that one nod Ziva knew that nothing was stopping her anymore. Nothing was holding her back. She was going to find Bodnar.

"I'm booking the both of you on a flight to Rome. You need to be at the airport in four hours and have a one hour layover at Berlin." McGee said already typing things in on the computer.

Ziva had already gathered up her things and was looking expectantly at Tony. Tony looked back at her, it was actually the first time they both looked each other in the eye all day. Their eyes locked and they could both see the emotions playing out, no need for verbal communication.

"I'll pick you up in two hours. I'll gather all the things we need from here." Tony said nodding in the general direction of the armory.

Ziva just nodded before turning around and walking to the elevator. Tony turned back around and looked at McGee and then at Gibbs who were both watching Ziva leave. Tony nodded knowing there wasn't much to say before taking off towards the armory.

"You make sure she comes back alive." Gibbs said as Tony was just about to round the corner beneath the stairs. He froze for a second before continuing on.

**A/N: So that was Tony talking it out with McGee and Gibbs, next up Ziva. Reviews fuel our need to update another chapter. **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: So this is the last chapter. Co-authored by the amazing PurpleJelloTIVA!**

"Boss you down here?" Tony asked as he walked down the stairs in Gibbs' basement. Not that Tony really had to ask since he knew Gibbs had left the office there really wasn't any other place he could be.

"Shouldn't you be on your way to pick up Ziva?" Gibbs asked not looking up from the wood he was carving.

"I was on my way, still have some time." Tony said as he took the last two steps down the stairs.

"What on your mind DiNozzo?" Gibbs finally asked after putting down his carving tool and turning around to face Tony.

"You knew?" Tony asked, he voice full of selfdoubt.

Gibbs observed his senior field agent for a moment. He could see that something that was seriously heavy was resting on his shoulders. "So did you, if not you wouldn't have asked me for permission to snoop." Gibbs pointed out.

Tony looked up at Gibbs, considering his words. When he thought about it, it was true, he'd known what Ziva was up to. Then why did he feel so betrayed by everyone? This whole situation just made him feel so off center. He felt like everything he thought he knew was just wrong.

"Boss, why didn't you share your concerns about Ziva's search with me?" Tony asked, hoping that was the piece of the puzzle that would help him make sense of things.

"I believe you're still my senior field agent not the other way around." Gibbs answered.

"I know Boss, I just..." Tony stopped himself for a second. "You trust me, right?"

"Of course DiNozzo. I wouldn't sent you out to Berlin with Ziva if I didn't. I need someone with a clear head there. That's you. We are in this together." Gibbs answered, before picking up his carving tool again and turning back to his wood again.

Tony looked on as Gibbs started working again. He nodded and scratched the back of his head. "I know we're in this together, that's why I just don't understand why I feel like I'm the only one all alone in this."

Gibbs considered Tony words carefully. "You're not going to find the answers to that one here in my basement."

Tony sighed and tapped his food before shaking his head and turned back to the stairs. He had come here in the hopes it would make him feel better. It hadn't worked. He guessed Gibbs was right the answers weren't with him in the basement. He now knew where to get them though. He just wasn't sure both Ziva and him were ready to give each other the answers they both needed.

-TIVA-

He knocked on Ziva's door, he was still about an hour and a half hour early but he was packed and ready to go. He waited impatiently in front of the door humming a song he had heard on the radio earlier.

Ziva opened the door in surprise, having not expected him for at least another hour. "What are you doing here so early?" Ziva asked as she let him in. Her apartment was in disarray; well, to the trained eye it was in disarray. If you didn't know Ziva you would just think her apartment looked like this normally. Tony could see the difference; he could see the couch cushions were slightly off. Meaning that she took out her fake passports from her safe beneath. Her books were not aligned which also meant she took her back up gun with her.

"Ziva I've arranged for you to take your gun and first back up gun with you, but did not get permission for your 22. I did however talk to the NCIS office in Rome, he'll have one ready for you." Tony said to her as he followed her towards her bedroom. There was one suitcase in the middle of the bed, cloths were neatly folded around it, her papers were placed on a different pile. Toiletries lay next to a toilet bag, which had a list perched delicately on top of it.

Ziva scrunched up her nose as she heard she couldn't bring her 22, but getting permits to even carry one gun was hard to get let alone three. So she took her 22 from her ankle and walked to the safe behind a painting hanging on the wall behind her bed.

"McGee booked us a hotel under different names. So unless Bodnar has access to the secure flight database he shouldn't know that we are in Europe. I got 20 short-range bugs with me and three long-range trackers. Which should track someone all over Europe and with McGee's ability to hack in the satellites we should have world coverage. I went by the studio apartment and downloaded all useful information on these three flash drives." Tony said holding the flash drives up in the air. "They're password protected and there is a strict protocol to follow within the directory otherwise it will delete all data."

Ziva looked up at him from checking if she had all the things she would need for this trip. Tony stood leaning against the doorframe waiting for her to gather all her things. He looked calm and prepared and it hit her that he really was prepared. Getting double gun permits weren't easy to get and almost impossible to obtain in under an hour. The tracking equipment also had a waiting time. "You had all the things ready?" She asked as she started putting clothing in her suitcase. She had packed everything from eveningwear to sunny beach clothing not actually knowing what they would need.

"I have had everything arranged before you came back from Israel." Tony said shrugging his shoulders. He had packed a bag wanting to go with her to Israel but in the end decided that her father's burial was something she had to do on her own. So when he returned from the airfield that night he started getting all the essentials in order. He had thought he would have needed the packed back in his closet long before now, having expected her to go after Bodnar immediately after burying her father. She had come back to him though, but he still had a feeling that he should be able to leave at moments notice so the bag stayed packed, the supplies stayed reserved and permits were processed.

It didn't surprise Ziva that Tony was prepared for this. His work ethics may raise question marks with people every once in a while but he was a great agent. It did however, surprise her how long he'd been ready. "You've had everything arranged since before I returned?" Ziva asked realizing that keeping Tony away from this had never been a option. Her keeping this from him had had only one outcome, damaging their carefully built up foundation of trust.

"Yes I was ready to go within thirty minutes." Tony answered pushing away from the door and walked towards her bed side table as a couple pictures caught his eye.

Ziva looked as he passed by her, to sit on the edge of her bed looking at the pictures. "I've never seen this one before." Tony said picking on up with two young girls, which he presumed, were Ziva and Tali with a woman and a much younger looking Eli.

Ziva put the last of her things in her suitcase before closing it. She lifted it on the bed and put it beside the bed frame. Tony looked on and waited patiently for her to react to his comment. She sat down next to him as she took the picture from his hands.

"I took it out of my fathers office." Ziva said as she traced the frame with her fingers. "I don't have many pictures of Tali and my mother."

Tony looked from Ziva back to the picture. The picture looked like any other family picture, they looked happy. There was nothing in this picture to indicate that years later one of the young girls would be the only one left. The rest of the people torn away from her in the most horrific ways possible. "You look happy, you all do." Tony said softly.

Ziva nodded before placing the picture next to a picture of the team during thanksgiving past year. "I should have told you." Ziva whispered.

Tony tore his eyes away from the team picture. "Then why didn't you?" He asked.

"I could not." Ziva said looking back at him.

"Why not?"

"I just could not..." Ziva responded not able to form the words she needed to explain this. No feeling brave enough to share the reason. Afraid of what it would mean if she admitted it out loud.

Tony sighed looking back at the pictures on her nightstand. He was tired of this dance they were playing, tired of having to read in between the lines, tired of having to grasp at what she meant, tired of taking a small step forward before leaping three steps back. Tired of putting himself out there to get shot down again. "After you left, Gibbs told me to make sure to bring you back alive." Tony said and felt Ziva tense beside him. They both knew there was a chance either or both of them might not come back.

When Ziva didn't show any signs of moving, he continued. "I went by his place, on my way here. He told me we were in this together." At this he felt her somewhat relax so he turned back to face her.

"But Ziva, it doesn't feel that way." Tony commented and he could see the tears forming in her eyes. If he was completely honest he even felt some gather behind his eyes himself. "It feels like you and McGee have all these people helping you, anyone can see Gibbs and Vance are also up to something. And I'm just there, alone."

"Tony you are not." Ziva started but Tony stopped her, letting his hand rest on her knee.

"Ziva if we're wanting to come out of this alive. We need to do this together; we need to be on the same page. So tell me." Tony said and Ziva could hear the urgency the need in his otherwise calm voice.

Ziva's hand moved of it's own accord as it reached out to grab his hand. Tony turned his palm so he could intertwine their fingers. They both sat in silence like that for a while. Just staring at their adjoined hands.

"I.." Ziva started but again couldn't find the words. Tony just waited, his eyes still focused on their joined hands, relishing the feeling of her small hand in his larger one. After a while he squeezed her hand as means of encouragement.

"I never expected to be the last one to be alive." Ziva spoke softly. "I always expected Tali to be the last one. She never wanted anything to do with the world of Mossad. She just wanted to sing. Her future was supposed to be full of singing and happiness. Mine, I did not see anything past Mossad and my duty to my country. That changed, when I came back from Somalia." At that painful reference they both needed the squeeze of the other ones hand to relax. "I sometimes see a future now."

Tony could feel her eyes on him, he blinked, once twice, before looking up at her. Her eyes was one pool of emotions, hope, anger, fear, happiness and so much more.

"It looks different day to day, but." Ziva stopped again as he gaze dropped back to their hands. Tony closed his eyes, thinking if it was better to push on or pull back. Force her to open up that last bit or take what he could get and be happy about it.

He raised her chin with his other hand to make her look back at him. He spoke as he pushed a stray hair out of her face. "But?"

"Asking you for help. That would have jeopardized all those futures I see. I cannot lose you." Ziva voice was no more than a whisper now and one solitary tear slipped down her face.

"The only way you'll lose me is by shutting me out. Together we can make it back. Make it back to the future." Tony said and Ziva couldn't help but laugh as the movie title slipped from his tongue, Tony laughed with her as he stood up and pulled her along.

"Come on, we still need to get some gummy bears." Tony said as he picked up her suitcase.

"I have them already packed in my backpack." Ziva responded smiling as she picked the bag up on her way to the door. Her hand still firmly clasped in his.

**A/N: So let us know what you think and if you're ready for Berlin! Because we're not sure if we are! Probably not! **


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